Joke Thread

[razoo]

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.

One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicabate patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.'

The other one replies, 'It's working just fine.
I'm down to two butts a day.'

[Spac]

Why are there no Kiwis on Star Trek?

Because they don't do any work in the future either.

[Annatastic]

[Rallyray]

I hate crushin pills and putting them in Nanna's Dinner. I feel so sneaky but I couldn't live with myself if I ever got her pregnant.

[Mike Cherry]

You're a sad puppy, Ray.

However,

What has 26 legs but can't climb a ladder???



(if you don't know the answer 'phone Cameron Smith at Melbourne Storm on (03) 8412 4900 - he may be able to help!!)

--

[TKM]

Have you heard, the 4th season of underbelly is already being made .


Set in melbourne, about fraud and courruption - it will be called underbellamy....... the tale of 2 books

[Dave Kelly]

Originally Posted by TKM

Have you heard, the 4th season of underbelly is already being made .


Set in melbourne, about fraud and courruption - it will be called underbellamy....... the tale of 2 books

Thats funny!

D

[Marcus]

What's the difference between the Melbourne Storm and a toothpick?

A toothpick has two points.



-----


Cameron Smith: "Craig, how are we supposed to go out there every week and know no matter how hard we try, we won't have any points at the end of the year?"

Bellamy: "I don't know. I'll ring Ricky Stuart and ask him".

-----

Melbourne Storm got the concept of marquee player a touch mixed up

[Dave Kelly]

Just scanned this from the local arvo paper

[Dave Kelly]

Funny drug testing story linky thing here

The quote in the third para is the key!

Originally Posted by AFP 23 April 2010

Olympic champion Merritt tests positive for steroid for over-the-counter penis enlargement product
April 23, 2010 - 12:24PM

Olympic gold medalist LaShawn Merritt tests positive for an anabolic steroid, which he says was in a penis enlargement drug.

Olympic 400 metres champ LaShawn Merritt of the United States has been suspended after testing positive for an anabolic steroid contained in an over-the-counter penis enlargement product.

Merritt, who is also the world champion at 400 metres, said in a statement via his lawyer that he was "deeply sorry" at failing three doping controls for the banned substance dehydroepiandrosterone.

The 23-year-old American, who faces a two-year ban, said: "To know that I've tested positive as a result of a product that I used for personal reasons is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around".

"I hope my sponsors, family, friends and the sport itself will forgive me for making such a foolish, immature and egotistical mistake. Any penalty that I may receive for my action will not overshadow the embarrassment and humiliation that I feel inside.

"I am deeply sorry and hope that other athletes who take these types of over-the-counter products will be even more cautious and read the fine print, because if it can happen to me, it could happen to you."

Merritt failed tests for the steroid DHEA between October last year and January after he started taking the product following the end of last season.

DHEA is a steroids precursor banned by the US Anti-doping Agency.

"He has now put his entire career under a cloud and in the process made himself the object of jokes," said USA Track and Field chief executive Doug Logan, who added he was "disgusted by this entire episode".

The Virginia-born athlete has accepted a temporary ban and will not compete until his case has been heard, his lawyer Howard Jacobs stated.

USADA declined to comment saying it wanted to wait until the investigation was complete.

The USADA probe can last months and usually an athlete guilty of a first-time doping offence receives a two-year ban.

The American followed up his Beijing Games gold medal by dethroning two-time 400-metre defending champion Jeremy Wariner when he strode to an impressive victory at last year's World Athletics Championships in Berlin.

As well as winning his individual titles at both Beijing and Berlin he also helped his country win the 4x400m relay titles at both events.

Bragger!

[Ric Cary]

Originally Posted by Dave Kelly

Just scanned this from the local arvo paper

Oh hang on its in the Joke thread hahahahahahaha

[Mike Cherry]

[QUOTE=Dave Kelly;239370]Just scanned this from the local arvo paper





"Cams were keen to appoint someone with the integrity and business sense that has been the hallmark of CAMS management and goverence"



Think they should be aiming just a little higher.
How about the CEO's of OneTEl, ABC Learning or HIH or..........................
Oh yeah, this blokes not in gaol.............yet.

[Dave Kelly]

Originally Posted by Mike Cherry

... Think they should be aiming just a little higher.

Ummm, I think you might have hit upon what is sometimes referred to as the punchline.

Yes, "it's a joke Joyce"

[mrbob]

Originally Posted by Dave Kelly

Ummm, I think you might have hit upon what is sometimes referred to as the punchline.

Yes, "it's a joke Joyce"

Barnaby Joyce for CAMS CEO??

I'm confused.

[Dave Kelly]

Originally Posted by mrbob

Barnaby Joyce for CAMS CEO??

I'm confused.

Sorry, "it's a joke, Joyce" is a bit of a Melbourne joke. Was a catchphrase that Graham Kennedy used to use on IMT when in character as George Wilson, and has carried through to be part of the Australian lexicon (albeit probably rare).



PS. Damn I need to spread rep around again... so stop making me laugh Bob!